The Art of Conversation: First Date Jitters ❤️
In my novel What Goes Around Comes Around, the heroine, Nicole Gonzalez agrees to a coffee meeting with a handsome musician in her class. The two hit it off and all sorts of good stuff develops. Initially however, she is reluctant to go out with this him and even seems a little flustered on how to get the conversation started.
One of the biggest angst during the first date is finding out what to talk about. You want to get to know someone without interrogating them. You want to give the other person a chance to talk, as well as sharing information about yourself. You want to flirt and show interest in a subtle, sexy way.
Once you get over the angst of asking the person out for coffee, (please check out my earlier post Don’t be Afraid of No: Dating 101) and the person says yes you may wonder what do we talk about? I asked several friends what they talk about and got a variety of answers. Read on for a sample.
“I always ask if the person is married,” says one friend. We definitely differ on that as I ask that question before going out. I have heard of too many crazy stories of some woman upset because you asked out her man.
“I ask if he has any STDs,” said another friend. This puzzled me. Doesn’t that seem a little soon to ask someone – the first time you are out with them? I asked. She said that she doesn’t waste time, because physical attraction is important.
“Just let the conversation develop organically,” another friend suggested. “Of course you will have a few core questions of what you want to know such as the type of work they do, future plans, what they are looking for in a relationship.”
My spiritually friend suggested that I pray about what I should talk about. My head was spinning with all of the advice. I decided to take the prayer and meditation suggestion first. I instantly felt more relaxed. I took my other friend’s suggestion and came up a with a few core questions. But I basically wanted my conversation to develop organically.
No one wants to feel like they are being interrogated. Once I started the conversation off asking about their life and dating experiences the date started and continued to go well. I found myself laughing a lot. I found myself listening a lot. My coffee date that was scheduled for 30-45 minutes stretched on for 90 minutes.
Will I see this person again socially? I am not 100% sure. Did I have a great time? Absolutely. I am so glad that I took a chance on my coffee date. It was a sure fire confidence booster and I got to know someone pretty well. I am already making plans on where I want to hang out next to meet the next potential suitor. In my previous post 5 Dating Truths I Learned for Paul Carrick Brunson, a master matchmaker, dating is a numbers game and you have to get out there and meet lots a people and go on dates until you meet the one you want to be in a relationship with.
Please let me know what types of questions you ask on a first date.