Be Careful Who You Take Dating Advice From ❤️

My mother used to have a saying when I was a child that has always stuck with me. “Everybody who smiles in your face is not your friend,” she would warn, her face somber.  I have learned that when it comes to matters of the heart, some people will be genuinely happy, and then there are others who will smile on the outside while critiquing you on the inside.

My new attitude toward dating has been met with skepticism from some people. Recently, I met up with a family member who frowned at me when I mentioned I had asked a gentleman I was interested in out for coffee.

“I could never do that,” she said. “I am a traditional woman. The man has to ask me out and pay. I couldn’t ask him out. I would die if he rejected me.”

I didn’t want to debate my technique, so I just smiled. But then curiosity got the better of me, and I had to ask the question. “When was the last time you had been on a date?”

“Eight years.”  I could hardly stop the eye roll. It had been eight years since this woman has been on a date, and that hadn’t motivated her to try something new? I smiled politely as I went on my coffee date. (I had a wonderful time.)

One of the things Paul Carrick Brunson emphasizes in his book It’s Complicated (But It Doesn’t Have to Be) A Guide to Finding and Keeping Love, is to get over rejection. (My post Don’t Be Afraid of No: Dating 101 has tips on beating rejection.) No one dies of rejection, and in fact, rejection is a part of life. We all go through some type of rejection when we learn new things, apply for jobs or college, and generally explore life. There are three types of people I avoid in regards to talking about dating or relationships.

Avoid asking for dating tips or talking too much about your love life with broken, bitter people.

Some people have had horrible dating and relationship experiences. And instead of growing from these situations, recognizing their part in it, and moving on, they have become bitter. They see every dating situation from jaded eyes. Statements such as “All men are…” pepper their conversations. It is never a good idea to generalize people, as everyone should be viewed as an individual. People who view every potential mate as a replica of their ex have a slim chance of finding and keeping love.

Avoid asking for dating tips or talking about your love life with jealous people.

It takes courage and a lot of work to heal from bad dating and relationship experiences, and some people are not willing to put the work in to heal. Not everyone will be happy when you decide to take positive steps in your dating behavior. You can recognize these jealous people by their negative remarks. They will try to discourage you from finding love.

Avoid asking for dating tips or talking about your love life with outlandish people.

One friend I mentioned dating to immediately started talking about “getting laid.” This is not my agenda, and didn’t fit in with my objectives. I have to admit the conversation we had was entertaining, but the things he talked about were not something I would be comfortable doing. We had different perspectives about what we were looking for and how to get it. I respect how he does things, but I needed to do things my way.

The best source of advice and support I have found is from people who are in or who have been in successful, happy relationships. It makes sense that these people would give the best advice. You wouldn’t get financial advice from someone who is always broke, would you? I also like to read dating books to get expert advice. Please check out my post 5 Dating Truths I Learned from Paul Carrick Brunson for my review of Brunson’s book, It’s Complicated (But It Doesn’t Have to Be) The Guide to Finding and Keeping Love.

I always pray and meditate before doing anything new, and that includes dating. It helps to center me. Please share any tips you have about dealing with negative people, and about dating, in the comment section.