The Importance of Self Love ❤️
I have written about the importance of taking chances in dating (Don’t be Afraid of No: Dating 101), reviewed matchmaker extraordinaire Paul Carrick Brunson’s book, It’s Complicated, But It Doesn’t Have To Be sharing some of his top advice on how singles can find the love the want and talked about the importance of flirting and communication in the dating scene.(Please check out my post The Art of Flirting: Communicating Romantic Interest). What I haven’t touched upon is why having self-love is important in dating.
Some of us are serial daters going from one relationship to another without fully understanding our choices. We pick a potential partner and after a short time feel disappointed after the euphoria of new love fades away. The source of many of our problems is that we don’t truly love ourselves. We say we have self-love and confidence but our actions say otherwise.
It is easy to say “I love myself,” but what does that really mean? What are the actions and words we can do every day to show and reiterate self-love. How can we hope to love another person if we don’t truly love the person that we are, if we are not comfortable being by ourselves? I had friend say to me that I would find more men if I straightened my naturally curly hair.
There is a fine line between presenting your best self and just being fake. I wear my hair curly 95% of the time. I do not feel comfortable straightening it to attract a man. I know I would not keep up straight hair, and if a man is dead set on having a straight-haired lady then he wouldn’t be happy with me. I have found that being comfortable with myself has made me more attractive to men.
I took a stand with my hair and then I started looking at other behaviors I tried to hide. I took off the mask and presented the best possible me curly hair and all. I am happier, and I know that comes through.
Please check out other behaviors I adopted so that I can live and present my best self.
#1 Say positive affirmation each day regarding your self worth. Avoid negative thoughts and words.
Our words are powerful. They dictate our destiny. Even on the subconscious level, negative words and thoughts can bring us down. Most people are harder on themselves than others would be. We all make mistakes in life. The important thing is to learn from our mistakes and move on.
I meditate everyday giving thanks for what I have. It is this spirit of appreciation that drives me to do more, feel more and love more. Each step I take that brings me closer to my dreams. I am grateful for my path. I like to read my Bible each day particularly Psalms and Proverbs. I also like to read spiritual books. Iyanla Vanzant has a great book Acts of Faith: Meditations for People of Color and I highly recommend this.
#2 Surround yourself with positive people who will offer support and constructive criticism.
My beloved uncle Abdul passed away in February and I still feel his loss. Whenever I would come to him with ideas he was always so supportive. He would guide me without stepping on my dreams. Everyone needs someone like him in their life. One of my favorite quotations from the Bible is “You have not because you ask not” I believe people don’t ask because they don’t feel they can obtain their dream. In the same token Be Careful Who You Take Advice From as everyone does not have your back or truly want to see you happy. The saying “misery loves company” is true.
#3 Step out on faith.
Get out of your comfort zone. Many of us, myself included get into a rut. I wanted to publish articles in the newspaper soI went to a source that I felt would work well with me. It did not work out. It was while meditating that a new source came into my mind. I initially rejected the idea thinking this person wouldn’t work with me. The nagging thought to approach this person wouldn’t go away. I followed my instincts and have written two articles to date with this source with other projects on the horizon.
#4 Take care of yourself.
Take care of your physical body. Go to your doctors regularly, eat more plant-based foods exercise and take care of your personal hygiene. Those are great steps but you can’t stop there. You always have to take care of your spiritual and emotional self. Please don’t neglect signs of depression or other mental issues. There is no same in reaching out to a therapist or another mental health professional for assistance.
I love meditation and prayers because it helps me get centered. Yoga, walks with nature and hanging out with supportive friends can give you a much needed mental and spiritual boost.
#5 Positive actions speak louder than words.
We have to follow up our positive thoughts and positive actions. The choices we make in life determine how we feel about ourselves. I had a friend justify a dead end relationship. She wanted to be friends with someone who lied to her and was ultimately unavailable. I suggested that she had self-esteem issues and she said she didn’t because she got her nails done. This sounded crazy to me.
A good indication of a healthy self worth is not putting yourself in compromising positions. We all have to know our self-worth and live that truth. In Alfred Edmond’s book Loving in the Grown Zone he says we don’t get the love we want, we get the love we accept. It’s time to stop accepting foolishness and be ready and available for the love we truly want. The first step is getting to that place of peace and love and practicing self-love.
Please check out earlier posts:
The Art of Conversation: First Date Jitters
The 3 Things Women Want in a Relationship
The 3 Things Men Want in a Relationship