The 3 Things Woman Want in a Relationship ❤️
In my novel What Goes Around Comes Around, the main character, Nicole, is devastated when she realizes that her marriage is truly over. She continues to have sex with a man who doesn’t support her or offer security. Unfortunately, I have found myself in Nicole’s situation thinking that sex will keep a relationship together and feeling the pain when I realized that sex isn’t enough.
There are three basic things a woman wants in a relationship. They are Support, Security and Sex. It is when I was able to articulate these truths, that my relationships got better. These three things are the basic starting point, however they must be there in the right ratio for me and many other women in order to find happiness in a relationship. Too many times a relationship is heavy on the sex and light in support and security.
Relationships are hard and no matter what your age or race women will agree that finding that special someone is often elusive. Once a woman has decided that she is ready for a relationship after doing her own internal self-evaluation, she makes changes and finds peace within herself. I took this journey and once I was happy with myself I started looking for a partner.
The dating scene is complex and people often have hidden agendas. In my post The Art of Conversation: First Date Jitters, I talk about going on quick 30-45 minute coffee dates as a sort of predate. I wanted to know what a man was thinking very early in my dating journey because gone are the days when dating was always a precursor to marriage.
Do you miss the dating days of simpler times? The men always made the first move. The men always asked the women out. The men always called on the phone. The men always paid for the date. Do you see the general theme here? Men took all the initiative with the date and the woman was passive. (Please check out my earlier post Don’t Be Afraid of No: Dating 101)
The horizon has changed and now women can do many of the things in regards to dating that was formerly devoted to men. This has given womenmore power but also more angst. Does she reveal upfront that she is looking for a relationship? Does she wait a set amount of time to let the other person know what she is feeling? I opt for letting the person know that I am looking for a companion. It saves both parties a lot of time if they both know upfront what is the expectation.
Communication is the key to a successful relationship and the sooner you know what the other person’s objectives are the better. I recommend at least knowing if the person you are considering is even interested in a relationship if that is truly what you want. It is when I acknowledged my own needs and wants that I became more comfortable with myself and started attracting men who wanted the same thing.
During my self discovery I found that I like many women wanted three critical things, along with a long list of others that will be discussed in another post, . These three things sometimes overlapped but they had to be there for a relationship to have any sort of chance.
Support
I wanted my partner to support my dreams and aspirations. I needed to be able to talk with him. Talking and flirting keep a relationship fresh even through difficult times. Being a writer is hard and often time- consuming. I need someone in my life who could understand what it was like to be in their business. In addition to writing, there is the marketing and taking care of the business side. The successful writer is at times extremely driven and goal oriented. The support goes both ways as I seek others who are business owners and offer my support to help them achieve their dreams.
Security
There is some validity to having a partner who is working to meet financial goals. I have dated men who had potential but those relationships never worked out. One guy stayed in a dead end job for more than a decade. He wasn’t driven to do anything and in some ways was intimidated by my drive. A person who is set on his goals takes steps to make it happen. They may not be getting all of the things they want but they are putting the time in to achieve goals. I love a man who has a legitimate hustle.
Security also is how that person made me feel when I was with them. Did they flirt outrageously? Did they make negative comments about my dreams, appearance, etc… ? I needed to feel secure in where I stood with a potential partner. I had a girlfriend say that she didn’t worry about her man being around women as long as he made her feel secure in their relationship.
Insecurity is a terrible thing and can lead to feelings of jealousy. Jealousy is an ugly emotion. A woman who is secure in herself will not get involved with a partner who does things to make her feel like she isn’t number one.
Sex
The physical side of a relationship is important. Hugging, kissing, holding hands, massages and in some cases intercourse are all a part of a successful relationship. Showing affection demonstrates love. A successful relationship incorporates physical intimacy (this doesn’t necessary mean sexual intercourse) as an expression of love.
This also goes to self-care because a person who doesn’t keep himself looking the best that he can says to me that he is not able to satisfy the physical. I am not saying that the person has to be actor handsome but he should have impeccable hygiene, and take care of his body, physically, mentally and emotionally.
Please check out my next week’s post, The 3 Things Men Want in a Relationship.