Finding the Love You Want

Every year around late January and early February leading up to Valentine’s Day the stores are filled with pink and red. The commercials on television and radio are geared toward romantic love. The advertisements for flowers take on a new fervor. According to stats on the National Retail Federation site 54% of Americans celebrate Valentines Day and $18.2 billion is spent on the holiday with jewelry being the most popular gift.

In the past if I wasn’t with someone, I was sad around this holiday as it reminded me of my singleness. I bought into the commercial aspect of love until I met the love of my life. He made me happy all year long. We had many ups and downs as a couple but I didn’t need one day to define our relationship.

When I met this man I was spiritually at peace. I wasn’t trying to get into a relationship making true the saying you find someone when you are not looking. I was meditating. I was reading my Bible. I was living my life and then I met someone. The love didn’t develop quickly as real love comes slowly. Our relationship blossomed like a beautiful rose.

What Made This Relationship Special

He had me smiling all the time. He supported me and was a great listener. He accepted me faults and all. I was comfortable around him, even in my low moments. We had spirited debates on subjects. He got along with my family and friends.

After the sadness of losing him abated, (it will never go away totally) I realized I learned a lot from this relationship. He gave the confidence and skills for my next relationship. Here are a few of those lessons.

#1 Live Your Life and Do Fun Things

Don’t be afraid to try new things. It is when you are most relaxed and doing what you enjoy that you meet new people. Often in these encounters you find people with common interest.

#2 Be Friends First

I was friends for many years with this man. When I first saw him I thought he was attractive physically and as I got to know him I admired his character. The romance novel model of having sex first almost never pans off into a successful, long-term relationship. Friends of the opposite sex can be a great opportunity for meeting a new partner.

#3 Don’t Be Afraid to Make the First Move

In a previous post, Don’t Be Afraid of No: Dating 101, I talk about my experiences asking men out for coffee. I love coffee dates for three reasons. They are inexpensive. They are short. And you find out really quickly if there is a possible love connection. I learned from my lost love that time waits for no one.

#4 Develop Your Spiritual Side

Praying, reading my Bible, meditating and spending time with my church friends helps me put everything into perspective. I have value and the aforementioned mentioned activities help me affirm my worth. I didn’t need a man to complete me so I don’t come across as needy but as desirable. The first step of finding the love you want is finding the love in you.

I reviewed two great books on relationships It’s Complicated But It Doesn’t Have to Be by Paul Carrick Brunson and Loving in the Grown Zone: A No-Nonense Guide to Making Healthy Decision in he Quest for Loving, Romantic Relationship of Honor, Esteem and Respect by my mentor Alfred Edmond and his wife Zara D. Green.

What Goes Around Comes Around  by Candace Waller                      Nicole Gonzalez has been gifted with an angelic voice and a knack for song writing. With the world pressing her down and a soon-to-be ex chipping at her self confidence, Nicole isn’t sure she has the courage to follow her dream. Then two men, an old flame and a sexy new musician, come into her life and really give her something to sing about.  Nicole is given another chance to fulfill her dreams and find love. Will she allow her debilitating fear of performing and self doubt stop her from love and career fulfillment? Nicole finds out when you step out on faith, the unexpected happens.

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